Marty Havran

My dad's passing

2009-06-15T22:31:00.000-07:00

One of my fears came true today. When Sharla came home she checked the messages and found 2 messages that my brother had called an one call from my uncle. I had taken the kids to the park today and then was working outside building a faux castle facade for an entry way into a girls camp that my oldest daughter is going to tomorrow. I called them back and left voice mail to call me back on my cell.

Around 6pm got a call from my uncle Martin and my older brother telling me about the passing of my father. My brother found my dad dead in my father's home, under the stairwell with bruises and abrasions on his body wearing only his under ware around 2:30pm EST. My uncle had last talked to my dad last Wed. when he went over to get a trailer he stored at my dad's house. He said my dad wasn't looking so good and his complexion was grey. On Thurs. he checked in on him and there was no answer. He went over to the neighbors who has a key and asked if they had seen him. They said no and said why don't you check on him. He found him sleeping in his bed like he had been so many times before when my uncle checked on him. This morning he went over again and went through the same routine, except he couldn't find my dad. The car was in the garage but my dad was no where to be found in the house. My uncle Martin then called my brother and left a message saying call him immediately. When my brother returned his call, my uncle said that John needed to go and find him or file a missing person's report. My brother and his wife Kim, went over to the house. Kim searched outside and John searched inside. First the upper floor and he found his watch and wallet. Then went downstairs. As he went down the stairs he noticed that some cans of paint had been knocked over but went on looking through the basement with no sign of him. Then as he was going upstairs again he looked under the stairwell where the cans of paint were he saw my dad's legs sticking out. He was lying on his back on the concrete, hands folded on his stomach, stone cold and stiff. He immediately called the police and then left the house.

The police did an investigation and found no forced entry or robbery but were puzzled by the location of where his body was found. My brother had to explain all the things that had been going on with my dad's alcholism worsening in the last 6 years after his retirement. Finally the coroner's initial conclusion was that my dad probably fell down the stairs and then crawled under the stairs.

Tomorrow my brother is going to make the funeral arrangements. The kicker is that last Monday I sent in my Canadian passport to be renewed which also had my green card in it for identification. Tmw I have to call the Consulate and find out how I can get back into Canada and once I am there, how to get back home-great timing!!! I am confident about working it out but its just another thing I don't want to deal with right now.

When my brother called he filled me in on all the details which I listed. The last time my brother talked to him was 3 weeks ago and apparently they had a good heart to heart. But my brother noticed that glossy look in my dad's eyes as he sat drinking whatever it was he was drinking. Honestly I can't remember the last time I talked to my dad. I know it was sometime around Christmas. He may have surprisingly called on Gabby's birthday in February but I know he missed my birthday in January. We did send him a birthday card for his birthday May 25th and I have 2 father's day cards on my desk waiting to be sent. I have left him 3 or 4 messages since Christmas of which he never called me back. What I do know is that every time I did talk to him, I made sure to say 'I love you' not knowing the day when I would get the phone call I did today.

How do I feel: A little regret but mostly sad. Regret because I have lived so far away from my dad ever since I was 19. Not that we had a good relationship while I was growing up which fell apart when I left home but there were a couple of times where he came down to stay with my family where we got to spend a significant amount of time together renovation the home we were living in at the time. Regret that I wasn't around to drag him out to the golf course. Or regret that I couldn't relieve my brother having to deal with him for the last 6 years while my dad's ability to cope with not working 70 hours a week was found in drowning his liver in a bottle. I will always wonder if I lived closer, would it have made a difference?

I feel sad about these things too but I feel sad that my dad helped those around him but couldn't help himself. He was very kind and generous, a good guy and could talk to anyone in that heavy Yugoslavian accent. I remember when he was helping me (more like I was helping him) build an addition on my home. When the building inspector came around my dad talked his ear off telling him stories about all the projects he had done throughout his career. When it came time for subsequent inspections, the inspector just signed them off without even looking at the work because he knew that my dad had done a great job. Another time after we had built the rafters for the addition my dad was up on top of the rafters, 23 feet off the ground, standing on this make shift scaffolding he had built out of 2x4's. Then he would come down and look at the plans and was mumbling something about the rafters not being level and being off 4 inches. At first I thought to myself, here is a man who has built everything under the sun-how did he screw up like that? After about 15 mins of this I finally asked him what he was mumbling about and how we should fix it. Then he clearly said that over the 17 feet of rafter, the ends were 1/4 inches off of level. I had to laugh not only at myself for hearing 4inches but at him for being such a perfectionist. So what happened after he retired...I think he was so used to working so hard all his life that when it came time to retire and relax, he didn't know what to do with himself.

I don't know what demons my dad battled and what would cause him to turn away his family and friends and take comfort abusing himself in alcohol. This I do know that after quitting Dreamworks almost a year ago and being at home with my kids, that I do have a lot of time to think and ponder not only about the present and the future but also on the past. There are days where I reflect on things I have done in the past that I am not proud of, or regrets of things I did or didn't do, or things that I wish I would have happened that either didn't or didn't happen the way I wanted them to. When I have dwelt on those thoughts and feelings there is a darkness that overshadows my mind. Fortunately I don't drink and I fear that if I did, I would be just like my father.

I find it ironic that on the day I found out my father died I was building something for my kids and firing up the bar-b-que. After my parents separated when I was 17, I used to go over to his house on Sunday's where we would sit and watch tv together and usually have a bar-b-que. Even though it was only the 2 of us, I remember he would always make an overabundance of food that would feed 12. I remember asking who else was coming over and he would say 'just me'. Then we would dig in and I would eat as much as I could never even getting close to eating all he made. At dinner, Maggie my 5 year old gave me a hug after I gave a tear filled blessing on the food and my family and said 'dad, I love you, sorry about your dad!'.

It's been almost 13 years since I have stepped foot in my dad's house and almost 10 years since I have seen my brother face to face. I am not looking forward to a reunion under these circumstances but maybe the loss of my father will bring the rest of the family closer together, including my own.

Facebook 'friends'

2009-05-12T23:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was contemplating how much time I spend on Facebook and what it means to me to have 254 people in my friends list and how much I really keep in touch with all of those people. Are they really friends if I don't talk to them? Or are they friends if for whatever reason we have found each other, talked once or twice catching up on the time we haven't been acquainted and haven't talked since. Or are my friends the people that I keep in touch with on a regular basis. I have been able to find a few people from my past that I lost track which I now am in regular contact with. Without FB I don't think this would have been possible. On the other hand there have been many whom I have contacted or who have contacted me which seem more like filling a curiosity than a desire to reconnect, wondering whatever happened to that person and what they are doing now but not really thinking of them as a friend. Then there are the people that you may have worked with in some capacity that you thought "I'm really not their friend because we have never had a discussion about anything other than work but they would be good to keep in touch with just in case I need a reference or work in the future." I also have a LinkedIn account which takes care of this kind of professional connection and I don't feel like I am sharing my personal life with people that I work with. Of course there is family members and FB is great for keeping in contact with them. I have had a few conversations using the chat feature with my brother which has been great. Since he is on the other side of the country and is 3 hours ahead of my time, so when he gets home at 3 and I am checking FB at lunch we have actually chatted more than we would on the phone. FB has also helped me get to know people in the area in which we now live. It seems like I am always running to and fro picking up kids, running to activities etc and don't have time to chat or get to know people as well as I would like to. Being connected through FB I have been able to chat with them and see their posts and find out their particular interests, thoughts and activities. I almost deleted my account thinking that it just wasn't worth spending the time but I can't discount the value of the tool because it has brought me closer to some, found some old and discovered who my true friends really are. But I have gone through my 'friends' list and whittled it down to around 107.

Old Friends

2009-04-26T19:26:00.000-07:00

Last night we had an enjoyable evening visiting with some friends that Sharla knew in Kelowna where she grew up. Fred and Marylin Raegh, and their daughter Paige and her husband Mike were in the area for the funeral of Marilyn's mother. Mike and Paige live in Cardston where my mom lives and I had met them before when we bumped into them swimming at the community pool in Cardston while visiting my mom 9 years ago. I met the Reagh's when we were living in Provo and met 2 of their other kids Jaclyne and John who were friends of Sharla and Ray growing up. My sister and brother in law were already coming down for the weekend and when we found out the Reagh's were coming we called Sharla's mom Vivian to come down as well. So with a house full of people we spent the night eating, catching up and getting to know each other. It was an enjoyable night!

Rae and Gabe stayed up with the adults listening and participating in the conversation. Gabe lasted till about 11pm while Rae made it till 1:30 when the Reagh's left. I remember growing up and regularily going to visit my parents friends on Sundays. I wish I could say it was an enjoyable experience but I don't recall that it was. Both of my parents being immigrants to Canada, my dad from Yugoslavia and my mom from Holland had friends who were immigrants as well. When we visited their homes I recall that they spoke their native languages and my brother and I weren't included in the conversations. One of my biggest regrets is that I was never taught the languages of my parents. Someone told them that if they taught their kids their languages, it would make us behind in school. With their best intentions the taught us their broken english and we didn't learn any Dutch or Yugoslavian. So when we went to their friends houses we couldn't participate in the conversation. One of the affects of that is that when I am in a group conversation I become an observer rather than a participant. Its gotten better over the years and I have been more comfortable expressing my opinions, telling stories or throwing out a sarcastic comment but its still not a situation I am totally comfortable with.

Late Night

2009-04-23T23:26:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I do this to myself but I stayed up late last night getting ready for my class tonight. After my internet went down at 1:30am and looking through an art book about William Wendt, I hit the pillow around 2:30. Sharla is hosting a conference at the Deaf school and when she's not around I putz around and can't go to sleep till I am absolutely exhausted. When the alarm went off at 5 hours later, it felt like I had just gone to be. Cranky and tired I woke up the girls (not so nicely) and 'encouraged' them to get ready and be on time for school. Today was 'take you kids to work day' and Rae was going to hang with Sharla for the day. After I dropped off Gabe at school I came home and had to get Maggie and Jake ready. There was a pile of dishes in the sick which I had neglected to do the night before and I asked Rae to take care of them which she wasn't pleased about. Both because of the way I asked her and because there was a large pile. I got a whif of her attitude and said 'hey, its take your kids to work day...welcome to my worldl'. Probably not the best thing to say at the moment. It was a rocky start to the day to say the least. But why I torture myself and those I love by going to bed late and being cranky the next day is beyond me...I am not my father, wait I am just like him....ugggghhhh!

Bribery

2009-04-22T19:49:00.000-07:00

I took Jake to the doctor today to get his swollen lymph nodes at the back of his head looked at. Turns out its some kind of infection and he needs antibiotics. The last time he was really sick and had to take meds we literally had to four-point him and take a syringe and inject it into his mouth. It was horrible but we had to do it. The med was flavored with strawberry and tasted awful so I don't blame him for not wanting to take it. We tried mixing it with smoothies, yogurt, chocolate milk and we still had the hardest time getting him to take it. So I asked the doctor if she had any advice based on our previous experience. She said this medicine didn't have a flavor and at 2 1/2 we should be able to use the 'reward' system to get him to take it. I picked up some ghetto popsicles (the cheap flavored water kind) and tried it tonight. At first he was like no way, but then I gave a popsicle to Maggie and Gabe and told him he needs to drink the medicine so he can have one and he did it. I know that's total manipulation but it's better than pinning the little guy!

Bike Riding

2009-04-22T14:20:00.001-07:00

Maggie, Jake and I were out weeding the front yard this morning taking advantage of the sunny day. The kids decided they wanted to ride their bikes. So I pumped up their tires, adjusted their seats since they have grown since they rode their bikes last and they were off. Slowly at first because our driveway is at an incline down from the road. I helped them make the turn and gravity took hold and they were off down the driveway, Jake steered into the hedge and Maggie right into the garage doors. I showed Maggie how to stop since she was the one gaining more confidence and momentum. After a few more tries up and down the driveway and making turns on the end, Jake biffed it and scuffed his knee and elbow and he was done. Maggie on the other hand kept going and was so proud and happy she could do it on her own.

Potty Training

2009-04-22T09:05:00.000-07:00

During our visit to SoCal during our Spring Break in March we were visiting with some good friends who offered this advice about potty training boys "they will do it themselves when they are ready. Until then just keep a diaper on them." Only having experience with 3 girls we have taken the advice. A couple of days ago while at the dentists office, Jake says to me "gotta go pee pee" for the first time. I rush him into the rest room and he proceeds to do it on his own. 15 mins later he does it again and I am thinking, is this really happening? Yesterday I am cleaning one of our bedrooms and Jake comes in totally naked saying "poop on da floor"...of course I am thinking the worst possible scenario. So I go into the hallway and he points to a small chunk on the floor and then runs into the bathroom and sits on the potty and does some more. I am thinking, where did he take his diaper off? So I go to the play room and its sitting on the floor, clean as a whistle. My thoughts were thank goodness for wood floors and Jake is at least doing the right thing when he feels like he has to go even though I would prefer that he keep his diaper on till he gets to the potty. The advice is paying off and we are not torturing our son or ourselves trying to get him to potty train.

Journal

2009-04-22T09:02:00.001-07:00

Since being at home I realize that I need to start recording what is going on in my life and the life of my family. Since I am horrible at writing in a journal, like so many other I turning my blog into my record.

A river runs through it

2008-07-24T21:56:00.001-07:00

Gabby, Maggie and I went across the street to the river or 'swimming hole'. The water was a little chilly but refreshing. A fun way to spend the afternoon skipping stones and walking up the river with my kids.

Cows

2008-07-23T21:52:00.000-07:00

I spent an hour watching and taking pictures of milk cows grazing. There was something melodic about the bells ringing through the air. The brown cow's anatomy was fascinating as well. And what about those udders! As Elaine from Seinfeld said "I don't know how you guys walk around with those things" would apply what I was thinking about the black and white cow.

Foal

2008-07-22T21:49:00.000-07:00

On the morning of the 22nd, one of the kids came running into the house saying 'Millie gave birth". We all ran outside to see the dawn of a new foal, shaky legs and all. We are living on Animal Planet without the commentary.

Coal Creek GC at New Castle

2008-07-20T21:41:00.000-07:00

We went to Seattle to stay the weekend with friends. Seth and I played this golf course in late afternoon which have a great view of Seattle from most of the holes on the course. I finished up a not so good scoring round with a 170 yard, uphill blind approach shot that settled 2 inches from the hole for a tap in birdie. These kinds of shots make we want to play a lot more!!!

Jackpot

2008-07-15T11:54:00.000-07:00

This was the house we initially put an offer on 2 months ago. We made one last effort and threw money at them (their asking price) and they finally caved in. We close on August 16th!!! YIPPEE.

Cookie Cutter

2008-07-15T11:51:00.001-07:00

This home was our backup plan if all else fell through. For $475K, this 3800 sq ft home would have suited our needs. Every house on the street looked similar and there was very little backyard but there was a 5 acre park going in a few blocks away. The builder was going to throw in a bunch of upgrades as well. It was also close to a golf course which would have been nice.

Practical desparation

2008-07-15T11:47:00.000-07:00

We decided to skip form and go for functionality. This house was in housing tract, lots of kids, good neighborhood and close to schools and in town. Had a decent sized yard but we weren't crazy about the house. But we were willing to sacrifice our wants to meet the needs of the family. To our luck, someone else made an offer the night before we looked at it.

Ames Home

2008-07-15T11:44:00.000-07:00

This was a historical home in Silverton that we also really liked. Was located on 3/4 of an acre and a good sized home. Downfalls were the price $650K and still needed a lot of work to bring it up to its potential. Also a drive to get into Salem.

New Craftsman

2008-07-15T11:42:00.000-07:00

This was a brand new show home built in the Craftsman fashion. Had great details for a new home and an additional lot beside it which we would have bought along with it. It had 3 small bedrooms which was its only downside. The elementary school was right behind the house and the highschool a few blocks away. Again, someone else put an offer in the day we looked at it.

Silverton Craftsman

2008-07-15T11:39:00.000-07:00

This house had great details and was newly renovated and was located in a small town 15 miles outside of Salem. The basement and attic were really low which didn't work well for me and the entire yard was landscaped and was on the small side. But cool house.

Farm house

2008-07-15T11:34:00.001-07:00

I really fell in love with this property. 5 acres for $499K. This barn would have made an awesome studio and guest house. It was only 6 miles outside of Salem and still had good schools. But the downside was the house and rest of the property would have taken a few years and money we didn't have to make it what we wanted. Plus who do I think I am Richard Schmid!

New England Home

2008-07-15T11:31:00.000-07:00

This was a brand new home, had a decent back yard and close to a great park and schools. Inside it was all white including white marble in the bathrooms. It would have fit us but we could see out growing it in a few years. Plus it was a little stuffy for our comfort.

New Farmhouse

2008-07-15T11:29:00.001-07:00

This house was only a few years old and patterned after an old farmhouse. This was on a double lot and had room for all of us but was a 25-30 min. commute into Salem and was located in a really small town.

Colonial House

2008-07-15T11:25:00.000-07:00

This house was great but on a corner of 2 busy streets and had very little yard. It was within walking distance to the high school, grocery store etc. Someone else got there before we did.

House Hunting

2008-07-05T22:17:00.000-07:00

After initially making an offer on a 1925 Tudor style home which in our minds was the perfect house for us. It had charm, character, close to good schools and had room for us to grow in. We pictured ourselves living there for a long time (for us that's more than 4 years). But to our dismay the sellers didn't respond and we were forced to keep looking for the last 8 weeks. Here is the list of the houses we felt were contenders for one reason or another.

Pike's Market

2008-07-05T11:17:00.000-07:00

We took the kids to Pike's Market in Seattle.
What great visuals of color and variety!!!
Plus the donuts rocked!

Independance Day

2008-07-04T22:12:00.000-07:00

We stayed with Seth and Kara Beal in Seattle for the Fourth of July weekend. Seth, Izzy and I spent about $200 on Fireworks and had more fun lighting them off than most of the kids.

Grandma's house

2008-07-03T22:07:00.000-07:00

We spent a night at Sharla's mom's studio home on a farm which was 500 sq ft of togetherness with the 7 of us sleeping there. There was an crackling loud thunder and lightning storm all night and of course cows to see.

Country Boy

2008-07-01T21:28:00.000-07:00

9
Jake has been loving life on the farm. What more could a boy ask for, tractors, dirt, horses, things to climb, homemade raspberry jam and a cup of milk.

Smith River

2008-06-30T23:42:00.000-07:00

This river gorge was in the words of Huell Howser 'amazing'! I caught it as the sun was setting and there was some great warm and cool light on the rocks. Plus the water was crystal clear-very inviting. Can't wait to go back and paint here.

Tunnel

2008-06-30T23:41:00.001-07:00

No body said the camera had to be 'hands free' in the car. This was a quick shot while driving.

Paul Bunyan and Blue

2008-06-30T23:39:00.001-07:00

These large statues along with all the wood carvers were some of the most interesting sites and tourist traps along the way.

Haystacks

2008-06-30T23:36:00.000-07:00

This outcropping of rocks made some great shapes contrasted against the scale of the kids.

Driftwood Bone

2008-06-30T23:34:00.001-07:00

The driftwood on this beach had some really interesting shapes. This one was about 8' long and reminded me of a femur.

Filtration

2008-06-30T23:32:00.001-07:00

Giant redwoods and smoke created great lighting.

Ginormica

2008-06-30T23:30:00.000-07:00

Well, isn't it obvious!

Sonoma

2008-06-30T23:27:00.001-07:00

Wine country is beautiful and the smoke created some nice atmospheric effects.

California Fires

2008-06-30T23:17:00.000-07:00

I intended to do some paintings on my way up the coast but the smoke from the fires obscured the view and the air quality was really poor.

Leonardo Fetus

2008-06-28T21:53:00.000-07:00

One of my lesser known hobbies of replicating Leonardo's drawing of a fetus on pregnant women. This is the third time I have done it. The first was my wife, then her friend who then told Nikki. This is the exception to the rule of actually drawing on the figure while figure drawing.

Living the Dream

2008-06-27T20:59:00.000-07:00

After 9 years of working at Dreamworks as a 3D Modeling supervisor and working as a Modeler in the industry for the last 15 years, I quit (sort of). My family and I are moving to Oregon where I will be working on my painting skills and and getting out of the rat race in Los Angeles. This is my dream beyond working at Dreamworks. I haven't completely cut the umbilocal chord yet because I will be working remotely doing concept modeling. Hopefully less hours, more creativity, comparable pay (at least for Oregon), working my own hours and best of all, less stress and more time with my family.

This blog is now devoted to my paintings, drawings, sculptures and whatever else I feel like posting.